11/26/2023 - LIGHT & DARK

>> MY LEFT B@@B BLOG <<

 

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

- Brene Brown -

 

We have the biopsy results! Confirmed DCIS (Ductal carcinoma in situ) with no unexpected surprises. This is great news. ❤️

DCIS is the presence of abnormal cells inside the milk ducts in the breast. It is considered the earliest form of breast cancer and is noninvasive (meaning it has not spread out of the duct into the surrounding breast tissue). WOOHOOO!!
What a relief. The best news. I literally was jumping for joy as I was being told the results over the phone. That was Wednesday.
Fast forward to this morning, Saturday. It's a darker day.
If I was to say that it has all been positive and up, up, up, I'd be lying. There have been very sad moments, a few angry ones, and even moments where I have crawled back into bed, completely numb. That is the reality of this journey - yin and yang, this and that, ups and downs.
The emotional turbulence, the gravity of this situation, the uncertainty and fear is all there. Every single stinking ounce of it, it never goes away or completely disappears, no matter how much I wish it would just f@@k off. And so I sit - sit in the shit sometimes, allowing all the feelings to come to the surface, never denying any of the feelings a place to be felt, heard or experienced. This is the darkness.
Darkness is temporary. It is the time for processing and for recalibration. Darkness is by no means a leading lady. She's a cast member, yes, playing a supporting role.
The DCIS spans a significant area in my breast. Even though my course of treatment won't be fully known until meeting with the surgeon on Tuesday (3 more sleeps), I do know that Chemo is not likely, surgery will most likely be part of the plan and possibly radiation too.
There is the possibility of the complete removal of my left boob.

Processing.

Sitting with all the emotions that are storming through. I do not attempt to squash them, instead, I welcome them knowing that by working through these uncomfortable feelings, I will expose my light and strength. I am cultivating positivity. That is what I am focusing on.

 

 

JOURNAL ENTRIES: NOVEMBER 2022